A friend lent me a Christian video called “Fireproof”. It is about a married couple who are on the verge of divorce and how God intervenes to bring them deliverance and hope in their seemingly hopeless situation.

It is a very realistic and human story faced by many couples both christian and non christian . You will be greatly inspired by this excellent movie. A highly moving experience that is is almost guaranteed to bring tears to your eyes.   It is a great affirmation for marriage.

4 stars

Exodus From Darkness
A former radical Muslim from Iran was converted by God’s Holy Spirit to become a christian believer and follower  of Jesus.  He now leads his own Christian Ministry and is very skilled and knowledgeable in sharing the gospel with Muslims.  He is available to speak in Churches to teach other christian believers in how to do this effectively.

See his website http://www.ministryblue.com/exodus.html for more details.

Below is an old email that a friend sent me regarding the Human Rights Charter.

Tue, 9/6/09

Dear Pastors,

We have received news recently regarding the human rights charter consultation that our government is undertaking currently. Christian leaders are raising concerns about this as it would restrict the right of Christians to testify on their faith and to evangelize. It seems to be a serious matter of concern for Christians, and we would like to encourage you to circulate this among your congregation so that we can raise their awareness and respond to this issue.

Manny Christian leaders are saying that an Australian ‘Human Rights Charter’ or equivalent legislation, that’s now under consideration by the Australian Government, is a threat to Christians’ rights of free expression in this country.

This brief Anglican Church report, including a video from former NSW Premier Bob Carr, explains why Christians should speak up now against this proposal…http://www.sydneyanglicans.net/news/stories/speak_up_christians_says_carr/

Cardinal George Pell has also explained in depth the nature of the challenge… http://www.acl.org.au/national/browse.stw?article_id=21126 The Government itself has asked to hear from Australians about the proposal and has set up a special page on the Attorney-General’s website where people can have their say on this.  The link to the submissions page may be found below. Christians need to take this opportunity to speak up. Otherwise the other side wins by default. Supporters of the proposal say it would protect religious minorities in Australian from the (‘Christian’) majority. They say the UK, where a Human Rights Act was passed in 1998, is a model for us to follow.

But the UK experience shows that such ‘human rights’ laws may be used to stop ordinary Christians from publicly expressing their faith and their values.

The following are just a few recent examples from the UK of the ‘human rights culture’ that has come into operation there since the passage of the UK Human Rights Act.

• A UK nurse called Caroline Petrie was in February this year suspended from her work simply for offering to pray for a patient.

• A British Airways check-in worker, Nadia Eweida, was forbidden even to wear a small cross on her necklace – at the same time as some air hostesses are obliged to wear Muslim garb. (That’s OK because Islam is a ‘minority religion’.)

• A UK social worker, Naphtali Chondol, was fired from her job for the ‘crime’ of giving a Bible to someone in need.

• A university Christian group in the UK was even banned for requiring that members attest to their belief in God – which was thought to ‘discriminate’ against non-believers.

These UK cases represent just the tip of an iceberg – they could be multiplied many times over.

There is every reason to believe that if a Human Rights Charter were enacted in Australia, the negative consequences for Christians and Christian life in this country would be no less serious.

You’ll also remember the notorious case of ‘vilification’ in Victoria a few years ago, against those two pastors from the Catch the Fire ministry. The case against them was eventually dropped, but the legal costs were ruinous for the Christians caught up in it. Yet many supporters of an Australian Human Rights Charter actually hold up the human rights legislation of the state of Victoria as a model the whole nation should follow.

Since the passage of the Human Rights Act in the UK, it is now extremely difficult for Christians in that country to engage in public debate about minority religions, without being subject to legal action on charges of ‘vilification’.

In politics, it’s numbers – votes – that count. It’s therefore vitally important that Christians, individually, now use the opportunity to tell the Government that they are opposed to ‘human rights’ legislation in Australia.

Submissions don’t have to be long, or brilliant. Just use the link to let the Government know that you are opposed to ‘human rights’ legislation in Australia. Tell them it’s against your interests as a Christian and an Australian citizen. But remember, you only have until 15 June. If you’re pressed for time, the reasons you give for opposing any new ‘human rights’ legislation could perhaps include some or all of the following points:

• UK experience shows that ‘human rights’ legislation may in practice be used to provide legal cover for people who wish to prevent you from publicly expressing your Christian faith and values.

• ‘Human rights’ legislation may limit the ability of Christian institutions such as schools, hospitals and charity groups to offer Christian service.

• ‘Human rights’ legislation has been used in the UK as a legal sledgehammer by anti-religious fanatics out to destroy what remains of Christian valuesin public life. These are the values upon which our freedoms and rights inAustralia have historically been built.

There has been recent talk for the introduction of a Bill of Human Rights.  Ironically from the Christian perspective this will actually restrict our rights in the guise of equal opportunity.  For instance Christian schools and organisations under this proposed Bill,  will not be permitted to advertise for only Christian believers to apply for their positions etc which would be ludicrous. 

Hence it would be wise not to support this new Bill.  In actual fact human rights are already embedded within  many existing statutes and bills that already exist as well as a gammit of case law.

To learn more about the Christian perspective on these important issues you can visit an event held by the Christian Democratic Party by calling
0410 877 143

I recently read a small book called “The Mosque and it’s Role in Society”.  It states important information about the Islam religion.  This is important to know, so as Christians we can  maintain Australia as a  Christian nation.  The following are some of the essential points stated in the book:-

Firstly it is very important to note that Christians do not hate Muslims.  Instead it is quite the opposite.  As Christians we are commanded by Jesus to love all peoples know matter who they are or what they look like.  Mark 12:31.  Instead it is just the Islamic ideology that Christians do not agree with.

1.  Every Aspect of Life - Islam is not just a religion and personal faith like Christianity or Buddhism.  Instead it is a whole way of life which includes rules for every aspect of living  including politics,  business,  family relationships and how to see non muslims.

2.  Allegiance to “Allah” Only – A Muslim’s life allegiance is to “Allah”  and obeying his laws as found in the Quran.  He does not have the freedom really to choose to be a Muslim or not.  This is so because if a Muslim leaves his faith for another, this is regarded as the highest form of treason and punishable by death in Islamic law.

3.  Infiltrate Society - The broader goal of Islam,  endorsed by it’s leaders and practicing adherents,  is to ultimately infiltrate each section of society in each country to convert it to Islam, and replace the institutions in that society with their own Shariah Law.   This can start with migrating to a new country,  pretending at first to adhere to the country’s laws,  gaining employment in strategic parts of government (eg.  the immigration department), to gradually allow more and more muslims to take over the decision making bodies in society.

4.  Mosque Headquarters – The Mosque is like the central headquarters where Muslims are trained in these goals and their own laws and culture.   The presence of the Mosque in an area is like a symbol of the growing power and presence of the Muslim faith and culture in the community.

5.  Attitude to  Non Muslims – Muslims are taught not to become friends with non Muslims like Jews or Christians .  Under the laws of subjugation in Islam,  non Muslims are given a choice to convert to Islam or pay a hefty tax in public.  They are then not given equal rights in employment,  housing or positions of authority.

6.  The Islamic Movement - is the organised struggle to change the existing society into an Islamic one following the laws of the Qur’an and the Sunna,  to make Islam dominant especially in socio-political spheres.

7.  Non Integration – Due to these points it can be questionable whether Muslim immigrants will in the long term, integrate into Australia culture and society and be willing to follow the christian laws and ethics of our society.

8.  Adhere to Christian Laws - some individuals are wanting to ensure that  muslim people, before entering the country definitely agree to be subject to Christian laws not just in the short term but the long term as well.  This is important since it is because of these Christian laws and socio political systems set in place, that there exists the  freedom and opportunity in Australia.  

9.  Autocratic Rule – On the other hand if a nation is transformed into an Islamic society,  this will inevitable be headed by an autocratic totalitarian dictatorship which will totally obliterate any form of freedom of choice or social equality in society.

10.  Lying is Permitted – lying is permitted under Islamic law in the following situations:-
-  in war,  espionage,  concealment or in weakness
-  between a wife and husband
-  when reconciling or maintaining peace

11.  Marriage -  under Islamic law husbands are allowed to beat their wives

12.  Swedish Government-  has recently put a ban on any future attempt to introduce Shariah Law into their constitution.

13.  Compassion -  most muslims are probably not the radical extremists we hear about on the news.  Instead many are probably trapped in a culture they don’t know how to escape from.  Hence these people need the saving love of Jesus and our compassion.   It is mainly the leaders and extreme fundamentalists that we need to stop from instigating Shariah Law into the country. 

14.   Stand Up: As a result more Christians in churches need to stand up to uphold Christian values in Australia so we do not become an Islamic nation.   We cannot take our Christian freedom for granted .  To become more actively involved in this cause you  can visit or join the  ACNA ,  ”Australian Christian Nation Association”. To obtain a copy of the book   ” The Mosque and it’s Role in Society”  contact Sher  from ACNA   on ph: 9230 2478.  Cost is $9.  Please note this is not designed to be a racist article against all Muslims-many of who are probably very nice people.  Instead it is a fight against the Islam ideology which does not always support loving and just principals eg towards women.   Hence this article is not a license for any of us especially Christians to start having racist attitudes to people of other cultures.

15. Prayer Point -  pray daily that the spread of Islam in any form will be stopped and instead Muslim people will come to know the saving love and freedom which is only found in Jesus.

Exodus From Darkness
A former radical Muslim from Iran was converted by God’s Holy Spirit to become a christian believer and follower  Jesus.  He now leads his own Christian Ministry and is very skilled and knowledgeable in sharing the gospel with Muslim people.  He is available to speak in Churches to teach other christian believers in how to do this effectively.

See his website http://www.ministryblue.com/exodus.html for more details.

Nicholas Nickleby is a famous novel by Charles Dickens. It is a story that describes the harsh and cruel conditions that children had to endure within many of the schools at the time in 17th century England. Due to the widespread popularity of this novel and many others he wrote, it helped to instigate many reforms in the schools of England during this period.

In watching the story of Nicholas Nickleby on film, I discovered an important fact that enabled Charles Dickens’ novel to be so readable successful and hence able to instigate social change.

The important factor in his novels is that he included the perfect balance of comedy and humour interspersed into the segments which described the squalid and cruel conditions of the schools at the time. Hence this is an important point to note for other potential writers of  novels. For many readers it can be too depressing to wade through a whole book which only describes depressing and serious issues all the time. I can vouch for this because once I was reading a book of this nature and I did not have the emotional strength to finish it since it was just too deep and depressing for me to continue to read.

However in the novel Nicholas Nickleby there are are plenty of light hearted comedy characters and events,  along with good hearted jolly people to lift the reader’s spirits, after every dark and serious encounter.  This enables the whole novel to be read to the very end,  while the poignant message of the more serious issues that need reform, can also be successfully covered by the reader as well.

With this in mind I encourage all gifted and potential writers to describe some of the social injustices in our society in story form, since this has proven in the past to be a successful vehicle for social change.

See the following links:-

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verbal_abuse    (excerpt below)

Verbal abuse is a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with one’s positive emotional development and, over time, can lead to significant detriment to one’s self-esteem, emotional well-being, and physical state. It has been further described as an ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purposes of control.

The underlying factor in the dynamic of abuse can be viewed as the abuser’s low regard for him- or herself. As the abuser may fear not being “good enough” and/or meeting other’s expectations, the abuser may attempt to place their victim in the position to feel or believe similar things about him or her self.

2. http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-verbal-abuse.htm   (excerpt below)

Verbal abuse is a form of battery that involves the use of words, rather than blows and punches. In a verbally abusive situation, words are used to attack, control, and inflict harm on another person. Verbally abusive behavior goes far beyond mean behavior; it involves inflicting psychological violence on another person, attacking the very nature of an individual’s being and attempting to destroy his or her spirit. Verbal abuse can affect people of all ages and in all types of relationships. However, it is especially prevalent in marital relationships.

A number of behaviors are considered verbally abusive, including angry outbursts, screaming rages, and name-calling. Verbal abuse often includes blaming, brainwashing, and intimidation. Hidden aggression is a part of verbal abuse, as well. Verbal abuse is extremely manipulative, as insults are often disguised as caring comments. Verbal abuse can be overt or covert, but it is always about controlling and manipulating the victim.

Often, verbally abusive comments are offered as jokes. When the target of the joke is hurt or insulted, the verbal abuser laughs it off and says that the victim is overly sensitive. However, the intent of the verbal abuser is to cause this hurt. After a time, verbal abuse often escalates into physical abuse.

Arguments in verbally abusive relationships are far different from those in healthy relationships. Normally, people argue over real issues that have the potential to be resolved. In verbally abusive arguments, real conflicts are not the issue and problems are not resolved. The abuse becomes the issue, and often the victim is told that everything is always his or her fault.

Often, verbal abusers tell their victims what to think and how to feel. They typically refuse to see or understand the victim’s point of view. In fact, they often object, in a violently verbal way, to the victim’s opinions and desires. Verbal abusers often deny reality and attempt to keep their victims confused by constantly changing or distorting the issue.

Withholding is often a major part of verbal abuse. In a verbally abusive relationship, the abuser may withhold information, affection, support, or money. When the abuse victim attempts to speak up about such issues, the verbal abuser denies the issue altogether.

Verbal abusers often seek to isolate their partners, cutting off or blocking their relationships with friends and family. Sometimes, the verbal abuser works to convince the victim that the abuser is the only person who really cares about or likes the victim. In some cases, the verbal abuser may admit to his or her behavior and agree to stop. Typically, however, the behavior begins again within a short period of time.

Verbal abuse can be described as stealthy; it leaves wounds that are not visible to the naked eye. As it harms the mind and spirit, it can be more difficult to recognize than physical abuse. Also, its victims become so torn down by it that they are often unable to notice the abuse themselves.

Low self-esteem and confusion are ever-present in the minds of the verbally abused. The abuser is often able to convince the victim that he or she is the problem. In fact, verbal abusers often accuse the abused of playing the victim.

 Eventually, the verbal abuse victim becomes so worn down by the abuse that he or she becomes unable to put up a defense against it. Often, the victim begins to try to change or placate the abuser, thinking that such change will improve the relationship. Sadly, verbal abusers typically do not change on their own. For real change to occur, professional psychiatric help is usually required.

How Can Someone Identify and Respond to Verbal Abuse?

Taken from :- http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm#Types of Emotional Abuse

Definition

Verbally mistreating or withholding positive emotional support from a child. Emotional abuse involves an adult speaking to a child in ways that are intended to demean shame, threaten, blame, intimidate, or unfairly criticize the child. www.jjab.ky.gov/terms.htm 

Often results in various behavioral, emotional, or psychological problems www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Child_abuse 

Summary

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional & verbal abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching”, or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.

Dominating

• Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it.
• When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.

Emotional Blackmail

• The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other “hot buttons” to get what they want.
• This could include threats to end the relationship, totally reject or abandon you, giving you the the “cold shoulder,” or using other fear tactics to control you.

Aggressing

• Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.

• Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised and “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, proving, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships. This and other types of emotional abuse can lead to what is known as learned helplessness.

Minimizing

• Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and not be trusted.

• Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.

Verbal Assaults

• Berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening
• Excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation.

Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.

Unpredictable Responses

• Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.

• This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what’s expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person’s next outburst or change of mood.

• An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.

Invalidation

The abuser seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient tells the person they felt hurt by something the abuser did or said, the abuser might say “You are too sensitive. That shouldn’t hurt you.” Here is a much more complete description of invalidation

Denying

• Denying a person’s emotional needs, especially when they feel that need the most, and done with the intent of hurting, punishing or humiliating (Examples)

• The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” etc. You know differently.

• The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity.

• Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent treatment.”

• When the abuser disallows and overrules any viewpoints, perceptions or feelings which differ from their own.

• Denying can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.

• Denying and other forms of emotional abuse can cause you to lose confidence in your most valuable survival tool: your own mind.

Abusive Expectations

• The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs.
• It could be a demand for constant attention, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person.
• But no matter how much you give, it’s never enough.
• You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don’t fulfill all this person’s needs.

Constant Chaos

• The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others.

• The person may be “addicted to drama” since it creates excitement.

Basic Needs in Relationships

If you have been involved in emotionally abusive relationships, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship is like. Evna (1992) suggests the following as basic needs in a relationship for you and your partner: (I have changed this from “rights” to “needs” and made other small changes- S.Hein)

• The need for good will from the others.
• The need for emotional support.
• The need to be heard by the other and to be responded to with respect and acceptance
• The need to have your own view, even if others have a different view.
• The need to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
• The need to receive a sincere apology for any jokes or actions you find offensive.
• The need for clear, honest and informative answers to questions about what affects you.
• The need  for freedom from accusation, interrogation and blame.
• The need to live free from criticism and judgment.
• The need to have your work and your interests respected.
• The need for encouragement.
• The need for freedom from emotional and physical threat.
• The need for freedom from angry outburst and rage.
• The need for freedom from labels which devalue you.
• The need to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
• The need to have your final decisions accepted.
• The need for privacy at times.

What is an “Emotionally Abusive Mother”?

Generally, I don’t like to use labels, but in this case the subject is important enough to try to define the term and create a profile of those who might fairly be called “emotionally abusive mothers”. There are many degrees of abuse, so it may sometimes be difficult to say someone definitely “is” or “isn’t” an emotionally abusive mother. Can a “good” mother sometimes be emotionally abusive? Yes, I believe so. What matters is the overall nature of the relationship with her children/teens. Though it may be difficult to achieve consensus on exactly what qualifies someone as an “emotionally abusive mother,” we can at least try to arrive at some common characteristics.

In broad terms I would say an emotionally abusive mother is a mother who uses her son or daughter in an attempt to fill her own unmet emotional needs. This is similar to defining sexual abuse as someone who uses another person in order to fill their own sexual needs.

A child has a need to feel loved. A child has a need to feel secure. A child has a need to feel protected. A child has a need to feel approved of.

A teen has a need to feel independent and in control of himself and over his environment.

Both children and teens have a need to feel accepted and respected. Both children and teens have a need to feel appreciated and valued.

For the species to survive, the emotional needs of the adults must compliment those of the children. For example, while the child needs to feel loved, safe, secure, and protected, the adults must need to feel loving, non-threatening, secure, and protective. While the child needs to feel respected and accepted, the adults needs to feel respectful and accepting. While the child needs to feel appreciated, the adult needs to feel appreciative for the gift of nature that is called “their child.”

If the mother did not feel adequately loved, safe, secure, protected, appreciated, valued, accepted and respected before giving birth, she will, in all likelihood, attempt to use the child (and later the teen) to fill these needs. If she did not feel adequately in control of her own life as a child and teen, she can be expected to try to control her son or daughter as compensation. This is the recipe for emotional abuse.

To fill her unmet need for respect, a mother might try to demand that her daughter “respect” her. To fill her unmet need to feel loved, the mother might try to manipulate the son into performing what she perceives as acts of love. To fill her unmet need to feel appreciated, the mother might try to spoil her daughter or she might constantly remind the daughter of all the things she does for her and all the sacrifices she makes for her.

Mothers are particularly adept at emotional manipulation. They are skilled in setting up their sons and daughters to fill their unmet emotional needs left over from childhood and adolescence. Ultimately, though, this arrangement fails. It is impossible for a son or daughter to fully meet the unmet childhood and adolescent emotional needs of the parent. A child or teen can not be the filler of someone else’s needs when they have their own needs. This is a clear case of role reversal, the consequences of which are very serious.

A child in this situation feels overwhelmed, facing an impossible burden yet still trying his or her best to do the impossible. The child will necessarily feel inadequate as he fails to do the impossible. By the time the child is a teen, he will feel not only inadequate, but drained and empty. He will feel insecure and afraid of failure, disapproval, rejection and abandonment. The implicit, if not explicit, message has always been “if you don’t fill Mother’s needs, she will reject or abandon you.”

The teenager will have also learned that it is is impossible to make mother happy. No matter what the teen has done to try to make her happy it is never enough. So the teenager starts to feel like a failure, or “failful” as opposed to successful. This shatters his or her self-esteem.

This, briefly, is the danger of the emotionally needy, and therefore often, emotionally abusive mother.

Signs of Abusive Fathers

He’s trying to control you and make you dependent on him if:

• He has to know where you are and who you are with all the time.
• He tries to control your contact with your friends.
• He puts down what you wear, do and say.
• He tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, and does not take your opinion or your feelings seriously.
• He is scary. You worry about how they will react to things you say or do.
• He abuses drugs or alcohol.
• He puts you down so you will lose self-esteem, confidence and control
• He tells people things you did or said that embarrass you and make you feel stupid.
• He says it’s your fault when things go wrong.
• He calls you stupid, lazy, fat, selfish, spoiled, ugly or a “slut”.
• He blames you when he mistreats you. He says you deserved it, or you provoked him, pressed his buttons, made him do it.
• He threatens you.
• He uses physical violence or he physically controls you, for example, physically stopping you from going out of the house.
• He hurts or hits you, or uses his greater physical strength to hold you down so you make you feel helpless, powerless or humiliated.
• He threatens to hit you, hurt your friends, pets or family if you do not do what he wants.
• He says he will kick you out of the house if you don’t obey him.
• He threatens to stop giving you money, or to not pay for your education if you don’t obey him.
• He threatens to kill himself and blames it on you.
• He gets very angry about small, unimportant things.
• He will not tell you his feelings when you ask and then he blows up.
• He pressures you to do things you don’t want to do.
• He attempts to manipulate or guilt trip you by saying “If you really loved me you would…” or “If you were a good daughter you would….”
• He compares you to other people’s daughters and says things like “Why can’t you be more like….”