What is Emotional and Verbal Abuse?

Taken from :- http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm#Types of Emotional Abuse

Definition

Verbally mistreating or withholding positive emotional support from a child. Emotional abuse involves an adult speaking to a child in ways that are intended to demean shame, threaten, blame, intimidate, or unfairly criticize the child. www.jjab.ky.gov/terms.htm 

Often results in various behavioral, emotional, or psychological problems www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Child_abuse 

Summary

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional & verbal abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim’s self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of “guidance,” “teaching”, or “advice,” the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones. In fact there is research to this effect. With emotional abuse, the insults, insinuations, criticism and accusations slowly eat away at the victim’s self-esteem until she is incapable of judging the situation realistically. She has become so beaten down emotionally that she blames herself for the abuse. Her self-esteem is so low that she clings to the abuser.

Emotional abuse victims can become so convinced that they are worthless that they believe that no one else could want them. They stay in abusive situations because they believe they have nowhere else to go. Their ultimate fear is being all alone.

Types of Emotional Abuse

Dominating

 

• Someone wants to control your every action. They have to have their own way, and will resort to threats to get it.
• When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.

Emotional Blackmail

• The other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values, or other “hot buttons” to get what they want.
• This could include threats to end the relationship, totally reject or abandon you, giving you the the “cold shoulder,” or using other fear tactics to control you.

Aggressing

• Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, accusing, blaming, threatening, and ordering. Aggressing behaviors are generally direct and obvious. The one-up position the abuser assumes by attempting to judge or invalidate the recipient undermines the equality and autonomy that are essential to healthy adult relationships. This parent-child pattern of communication (which is common to all forms of verbal abuse) is most obvious when the abuser takes an aggressive stance.

• Aggressive abuse can also take a more indirect form and may even be disguised and “helping.” Criticizing, advising, offering solutions, analyzing, proving, and questioning another person may be a sincere attempt to help. In some instances however, these behaviors may be an attempt to belittle, control, or demean rather than help. The underlying judgmental “I know best” tone the abuser takes in these situations is inappropriate and creates unequal footing in peer relationships. This and other types of emotional abuse can lead to what is known as learned helplessness.

Minimizing

• Minimizing is a less extreme form of denial. When minimizing, the abuser may not deny that a particular event occurred, but they question the recipient’s emotional experience or reaction to an event. Statements such as “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re exaggerating,” or “You’re blowing this out of proportion” all suggest that the recipient’s emotions and perceptions are faulty and not be trusted.

• Trivializing, which occurs when the abuser suggests that what you have done or communicated is inconsequential or unimportant, is a more subtle form of minimizing.

Verbal Assaults

• Berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening
• Excessive blaming, and using sarcasm and humiliation.

Blowing your flaws out of proportion and making fun of you in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes your sense of self confidence and self-worth.

Unpredictable Responses

• Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next, or likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses.

• This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what’s expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person’s next outburst or change of mood.

• An alcoholic or drug abuser is likely to act this way. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.

Invalidation

The abuser seeks to distort or undermine the recipient’s perceptions of their world. Invalidating occurs when the abuser refuses or fails to acknowledge reality. For example, if the recipient tells the person they felt hurt by something the abuser did or said, the abuser might say “You are too sensitive. That shouldn’t hurt you.” Here is a much more complete description of invalidation

Denying

• Denying a person’s emotional needs, especially when they feel that need the most, and done with the intent of hurting, punishing or humiliating (Examples)

• The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. confronts the abuser about an incident of name calling, the abuser may insist, “I never said that,” “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” etc. You know differently.

• The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity.

• Withholding is another form of denying. Withholding includes refusing to listen, refusing to communicate, and emotionally withdrawing as punishment. This is sometimes called the “silent treatment.”

• When the abuser disallows and overrules any viewpoints, perceptions or feelings which differ from their own.

• Denying can be particularly damaging. In addition to lowering self-esteem and creating conflict, the invalidation of reality, feelings, and experiences can eventually lead you to question and mistrust your own perceptions and emotional experience.

• Denying and other forms of emotional abuse can cause you to lose confidence in your most valuable survival tool: your own mind.

Abusive Expectations

• The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs.
• It could be a demand for constant attention, or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person.
• But no matter how much you give, it’s never enough.
• You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you don’t fulfill all this person’s needs.

Constant Chaos

• The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others.

• The person may be “addicted to drama” since it creates excitement.

Basic Needs in Relationships

If you have been involved in emotionally abusive relationships, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship is like. Evna (1992) suggests the following as basic needs in a relationship for you and your partner: (I have changed this from “rights” to “needs” and made other small changes- S.Hein)

• The need for good will from the others.
• The need for emotional support.
• The need to be heard by the other and to be responded to with respect and acceptance
• The need to have your own view, even if others have a different view.
• The need to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
• The need to receive a sincere apology for any jokes or actions you find offensive.
• The need for clear, honest and informative answers to questions about what affects you.
• The need  for freedom from accusation, interrogation and blame.
• The need to live free from criticism and judgment.
• The need to have your work and your interests respected.
• The need for encouragement.
• The need for freedom from emotional and physical threat.
• The need for freedom from angry outburst and rage.
• The need for freedom from labels which devalue you.
• The need to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.
• The need to have your final decisions accepted.
• The need for privacy at times.

What is an “Emotionally Abusive Mother”?

Generally, I don’t like to use labels, but in this case the subject is important enough to try to define the term and create a profile of those who might fairly be called “emotionally abusive mothers”. There are many degrees of abuse, so it may sometimes be difficult to say someone definitely “is” or “isn’t” an emotionally abusive mother. Can a “good” mother sometimes be emotionally abusive? Yes, I believe so. What matters is the overall nature of the relationship with her children/teens. Though it may be difficult to achieve consensus on exactly what qualifies someone as an “emotionally abusive mother,” we can at least try to arrive at some common characteristics.

In broad terms I would say an emotionally abusive mother is a mother who uses her son or daughter in an attempt to fill her own unmet emotional needs. This is similar to defining sexual abuse as someone who uses another person in order to fill their own sexual needs.

An emotionally abusive mother is a mother who uses her son or daughter in an attempt to fill her own unmet emotional needs.

By nature, women generally have instinctive needs to raise and nurture children. The fulfillment of these needs is natural and healthy. Emotional abuse occurs only when the mother attempts to use the child or teen to fulfill needs which are not consistent with those of an emotionally healthy adult. Emotional abuse occurs, in other words, when the mother tries to fill those needs of hers which normally would have already been filled during a healthy childhood and adolescence.

It might help to consider the distinction between the emotional needs of a child, of an adolescent and of an adult.

A child has a need to feel loved. A child has a need to feel secure. A child has a need to feel protected. A child has a need to feel approved of.

A teen has a need to feel independent and in control of himself and over his environment.

Both children and teens have a need to feel accepted and respected. Both children and teens have a need to feel appreciated and valued.

For the species to survive, the emotional needs of the adults must compliment those of the children. For example, while the child needs to feel loved, safe, secure, and protected, the adults must need to feel loving, non-threatening, secure, and protective. While the child needs to feel respected and accepted, the adults needs to feel respectful and accepting. While the child needs to feel appreciated, the adult needs to feel appreciative for the gift of nature that is called “their child.”

If the mother did not feel adequately loved, safe, secure, protected, appreciated, valued, accepted and respected before giving birth, she will, in all likelihood, attempt to use the child (and later the teen) to fill these needs. If she did not feel adequately in control of her own life as a child and teen, she can be expected to try to control her son or daughter as compensation. This is the recipe for emotional abuse.

To fill her unmet need for respect, a mother might try to demand that her daughter “respect” her. To fill her unmet need to feel loved, the mother might try to manipulate the son into performing what she perceives as acts of love. To fill her unmet need to feel appreciated, the mother might try to spoil her daughter or she might constantly remind the daughter of all the things she does for her and all the sacrifices she makes for her.

Mothers are particularly adept at emotional manipulation. They are skilled in setting up their sons and daughters to fill their unmet emotional needs left over from childhood and adolescence. Ultimately, though, this arrangement fails. It is impossible for a son or daughter to fully meet the unmet childhood and adolescent emotional needs of the parent. A child or teen can not be the filler of someone else’s needs when they have their own needs. This is a clear case of role reversal, the consequences of which are very serious.

A child in this situation feels overwhelmed, facing an impossible burden yet still trying his or her best to do the impossible. The child will necessarily feel inadequate as he fails to do the impossible. By the time the child is a teen, he will feel not only inadequate, but drained and empty. He will feel insecure and afraid of failure, disapproval, rejection and abandonment. The implicit, if not explicit, message has always been “if you don’t fill Mother’s needs, she will reject or abandon you.”

The teenager will have also learned that it is is impossible to make mother happy. No matter what the teen has done to try to make her happy it is never enough. So the teenager starts to feel like a failure, or “failful” as opposed to successful. This shatters his or her self-esteem.

This, briefly, is the danger of the emotionally needy, and therefore often, emotionally abusive mother.

Signs of Abusive Fathers

He’s trying to control you and make you dependent on him if:

• He has to know where you are and who you are with all the time.
• He tries to control your contact with your friends.
• He puts down what you wear, do and say.
• He tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, and does not take your opinion or your feelings seriously.
• He is scary. You worry about how they will react to things you say or do.
• He abuses drugs or alcohol.
• He puts you down so you will lose self-esteem, confidence and control
• He tells people things you did or said that embarrass you and make you feel stupid.
• He says it’s your fault when things go wrong.
• He calls you stupid, lazy, fat, selfish, spoiled, ugly or a “slut”.
• He blames you when he mistreats you. He says you deserved it, or you provoked him, pressed his buttons, made him do it.
• He threatens you.
• He uses physical violence or he physically controls you, for example, physically stopping you from going out of the house.
• He hurts or hits you, or uses his greater physical strength to hold you down so you make you feel helpless, powerless or humiliated.
• He threatens to hit you, hurt your friends, pets or family if you do not do what he wants.
• He says he will kick you out of the house if you don’t obey him.
• He threatens to stop giving you money, or to not pay for your education if you don’t obey him.
• He threatens to kill himself and blames it on you.
• He gets very angry about small, unimportant things.
• He will not tell you his feelings when you ask and then he blows up.
• He pressures you to do things you don’t want to do.
• He attempts to manipulate or guilt trip you by saying “If you really loved me you would…” or “If you were a good daughter you would….”
• He compares you to other people’s daughters and says things like “Why can’t you be more like….”

 

Child Sexual Abuse Information

If you would like to know more about the organisation ASCA and the support it provides for adult survivors of child sexual abuse here is a link to their website. If you click on the menu item “Survivors” you can read some testimonies of actual survivors.

The following are some helpful articles that appeared in one of their newsletters called “Breaking Free”. Just click on the image 2 times to enlarge for easy reading.

Effects of Child Sexual Abuse

Here is a link which describes more of the effects of child sexual abuse on an adult’s life:-

http://www.asca.org.au/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=65

Testimonial Books of Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

1. Execution of Childhood Innocence
A Backward Journey to a Forward Destination

Author: Demi Shugrue
Paperback (5 x 7) 138 pages
Available from the publisher at: Tate Publishing

 BACK COVER:
The Execution of Childhood Innocence: A Backward Journey to a Forward Destination transports you to a front row seat through the journey of a lifetime. In a unique style, author Demi Shugrue investigates the construction of her protective shield throughout the atrocities of abuse and applies the information to an understanding of the dynamics of adult personal interaction. The truth that lies behind the eyes of the battered child brings light to the shadows and reality. The ?mind chants? and echoes of the little girl inside the woman as they struggle to become one. Readers will experience the emotional struggles of an abused child and gain empowering insight from the reflection and significance of diverse relationships, including the most important of all: our relationship with ourselves, the process of owning our own lives. This is a journey of reflection, purpose, and ultimately hope. The Execution of Childhood Innocence is a testament to the fundamentally profound truth, self-value is paramount.

2. Beyond the Tears by Lynn C. Tolson

BACK COVER
A true story, Beyond the Tears begins with the suicide attempt of an abused and addicted twenty-five-year-old woman. In the aftermath, she commits to counselling to recover from anxiety and depression associated with post-traumatic stress disorder. The author engages the reader in therapy sessions where the young woman reveals dysfunctional family relationships, including domestic violence, sexual abuse, and mental illness. Due to the therapeutic process, the woman discovers a path to love and the value of life, and she ultimately achieves a life that reflects health and happiness. In sharing this inspirational journey, the author provides a message of hope.

Available from Catharsis Foundation 
Email: info@catharsisfoundation.org

3. Ellie – A Story of Profound Loss and Abuse-
A must-read for both Survivors and Supporters
By Catharsis Foundation

Deborah Rose reveals the inescapable life of abused children in her book, “Ellie – A Story of Profound Loss and Abuse”. “Ellie” is a first-hand account of a disturbing reality shared by far too many children – only the intimate details, the people involved and the locations are different. “Ellie” could epitomize the concealed horrific life of a child you know, perhaps even yourself.

“Ellie” doesn’t waste words in an attempt to make the issue unduly sensitive or pretty and Ms Rose isn’t trying to put the reader in her shoes to solicit sympathy – she’s concise and to the point – child abuse is real and she’s lived it! It isn’t just something that happens in other countries – it happens closer to home but children are forced to never tell their secrets!

Ms Rose not only captures the hell that children experience while being abused, she offers helpful words of inspiration and hope for other Survivors who are searching for a way to heal from childhood abuse. “Ellie” is also a must-read for people who don’t understand the agony that constitutes the unfair lives of abused children not only during abuse but for the remainder of their tormented lives.

“Ellie” and Ms Rose are true inspirations! 

Catharsis Foundation
Location: Calgary, AB Canada
E-mail: info@catharsisfoundation.org

Catharsis Foundation for Survivors of Child Abuse is committed to Survivors and to ending child child abuse and dedicated to encouraging Survivors to purge their nightmares through cathartic writing. Who knows the truth better than Survivors?

Catharsis Foundation aims  to reveal the prevalence and horror of child abuse, to stop protecting child abusers and especially, to begin the journey towards healing. Catharsis Foundation for Survivors of Child Abuse is committed to Survivors and to ending child child abuse and dedicated to encouraging Survivors to purge their nightmares through cathartic writing.

“It’s Time To Tell!” – to reveal the prevalence and horror of child abuse, and to begin the journey towards healing.

Taken from:- http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A125HMF9YE9MQB/ref=cr_cm_rdp_pdp/181-6454530-9102654

http://www.asca.org.au/index.cfm

Responding to a Friend or Family in a Medical Crisis

The following is a helpful article I found in the YWAM Associates newsletter recently.  It is written by Alexis Wilson:-

I felt the need to write this article after of walking through six months of medical crisis with my husband of 35 years. I have learned so much and I would like to share some of my experience in the hope that it will provide some guidance and comfort for others who may experience a similar crisis or know someone who is going through such a crisis.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.”
So many friends said they did not call or visit because the just did not know what to say. If you do not know what to say a simple I love you and am praying for you is sufficient. You do not have to say much to the grieving just a quick call even if you get a voice mail a brief “I’m thinking of you” message says so much.

KNOWING THAT PEOPLE CARE, BEING REMEMBERED
When you are in the middle of a crisis especially on that finds you far from your home and family the assurance of being remembered and knowing that people care about what is happening to you and your family can provide immeasurable encouragement, refreshing and strengthening.

Please don’t wait for people who are in a hard place to contact you, you contact them. I often felt I just didn’t have enough emotional strength to go another step most of the time. The idea of initiating contact with someone was overwhelming. Simple things seemed to require extraordinary energy I couldn’t muster.

When a crisis is long and drawn out is it more important than ever that patient and caregiver feel they aren’t forgotten. Even if you do not know them very well, a call, a card, a small donation goes a very long way in comforting those that are grieving. We had numerous contacts from people who heard of our situation through the friend of a friend. It is amazing how much the love of God was ministered through these people who might otherwise be considered strangers.

A TIMELY WORD
My husband’s neurosurgeon came running into the ICU room we occupied and said to me “If I do not drill a hole in your husbands’ head in the next five minutes we may loose him, sign here.” Shall I sign or not sign? I didn’t have time to read the fine print and what does it all mean! Are we playing God and prolonging a life the Lord is trying to take? Is my husband going to be worse off after this operation than before? Am I responsible if I sign this release?

All these questions flooded my mind at once. I was already in a state of shock and exhaustion just trying to survive all that had transpired! Within a few minutes, as I laid wrapped in a warm blanket a compassionate nurse so comfortingly wrapped my weak body in, I had an international telephone call from a trusted dear friend whose call not only got me focused on the Lord but helped me to rest and to trust the doctors God had given. I will never forget that call it was a ministry of comfort.

COMFORTERS
As much as I wanted people to know what was happening and I wanted to hear from those people who cared and were praying for us I was using all the reserve I had to focus on the crisis in which we found ourselves. There wasn’t a lot left for much communication with anyone else.

I experienced friends who laid down their lives for us during this crisis. They were at the Hospital waiting for us as we were flown in on a medical emergency plane from another state. They took my phone and answered calls. Initially they took over. They fed me, took care of immediate housing needs, airport runs to pick up family coming in. They set up a blog and updated it daily so friends could stay in touch and know how to pray.

At the beginning of such a crisis just trying to understand all the new terminology is exasperating. My friends looked up the meaning of words like angiogram, brain stem aneurism, encephalitis, and meningitis.

They provided little things like a hot pack for the neck and back, soothing teas, water. They made me eat, and helped with the reams and reams of paper work and information required by the hospital, Medicaid and eventually Medicare.

As my husband’s illness lengthened they helped keep my home base covered. While we were out of state rent, utilities, bills etc. still had to be covered, the mail had to be picked up and plants watered. My friends covered this for me and helped me stay on track so I did not get behind. Even with all this help there was a lot of juggling living away from home.

VISITING
In the beginning we asked for very limited visits. There was so much unknown and a lot of emotional strain for my husband and our family. We also had to consider the extreme risk of susceptibility to infections. Colds and flu were always a worry but after awhile one needs to have visitors. Visits should be kept short to conserve the energy of both the patient and their caregiver.

If the visit can’t take place in the patients room the caregiver can often come to the waiting room and visit there.

Singing songs to a heavy heart, Proverbs 25 tells us, is like pouring vinegar on an open wound, please ASK FIRST!

ADDITIONAL HELP
People frequently asked what they could do. While flowers aren’t allowed in ICU, they are allowed once a patient is moved out of ICU. Food and snacks are always good, a Starbucks card for the coffee and tea drinkers. Giving the family a break to go out to lunch and have someone stay with the patient while they get a break.

After a number of months we had a friend fly from Hawaii to stay with my husband so that I could have a much needed break, truly amazing. Money is often needed. Much of the time caregivers are away from home which often requires eating out, purchasing things you already may have at home, lots of phone calls and other expenses that you haven’t budgeted. These are expenses over and above costly medical bills.

In our case once my husband became ill one of our primary source of income was cut off. If you have the ability to organize needed monetary help ask if it is needed.

If you are familiar with processing Medicare forms or are familiar with the qualification process for Medicaid ask if your knowledge would be helpful. Navigating these organizations is not for the faint hearted.

If you have housing for someone finding himself or herself far away from home please let them know. The generosity of many provided me with more than just a place to lay my head.

When someone suddenly finds himself or herself in the unthinkable crisis there is always something you can do.

Some thing I could encourage folks to do is to stop by a hospital and pickup the form called 5 Wishes or Your Right to make Health Care Decisions.

It is a simple thing to do and does not require a lawyer etc. and it is free. If you live most of the time in the same area it is good to leave a copy with the hospital you would most likely go to in an emergency.

Consider and put it in writing if desire or desire not have DNR. I did not even know the meaning of DNR until about the 5th week of ICU. DNR means Do Not Resuscitate. This is something to talk about with your loved ones and the decision can always be reversed. Often a patient that receives resuscitation comes out of that much worse off than they were before their emergency.

This summary is by far from being all exhausted but hopefully can be helpful to some.
Alexis Wilson
YWAM Associates

Homosexuality – The Christian View

The bible states that the act of homosexuality is a sin according to God’s laws.  See :-

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 – “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (NIV).

Romans 1:26-27 – “Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.” (NIV)

Homosexual tendencies within individuals are often caused by a degree of abuse or dysfunction experienced during the early childhood and or teenage years.   People are not born as homosexuals. Here are some examples :-

1.  If a boy was sexually abused by his father,  step father, uncle,  male teacher,  male peer or any other male figure,  this boy may develop homosexual tendencies because of this abuse .   Sometimes these incidents can be so traumatic they can become suppressed memories in the subconcious and may only surface in later life when the survivor is ready to deal with these memories.   Incidents of severe abuse may also be so buried in the subconcious, they may sometimes  only surface in dreams or nightmares.

2.  If at birth the parents of the child wanted a girl  instead of a boy, and this is clearly made known to the child while growing up,  the boy may subconciously reject his maleness and adopt female characteristics in order to please his parents.

3.  If the wife continually puts down or rubbishes her husband due to discontent, infedility or disapproval and puts down men in general,  in front of her male child,  this child may in turn grow to see that being male is a negative thing and hence learn to take on female qualities and desires instead. 

Every individual case is different as to  the root causes of their homosexual tendencies.   It may be a series of different incidents and effects that can contribute to their homosexuality.   It can also depend on how continuous the abuse or negative input into a child’s life is.    How sensitive a child is, can also make a difference in how he or she reacts to their environment.   Not every child will react in the same way to the same abuse or negative input.

The good news is that it is possible for the power of God through Jesus Christ  to heal the homosexual.  God loves the homosexual person and in his compassion desires to see him or her fully healed and restored to wholeness.  This can be achieved through skilful and trained prayer ministry and inner healing.  Even suppressed memories from childhood,  can be unearthed and revealed through the power of Jesus, in the form of skilful and trained prayer ministry.  However it is not always a quick process, but can often take a long time -  even a number of years.    The length of time can depend on  how severe the root causes are and how willing the person is willing to work on change.  See :-

1.  Exodus International  http://www.exodus-international.org/
2.  Living Waters Ministry http://www.livingwaters.org.au/

Unfortunately many homosexual people,  do not choose the road of wholeness and healing,  partly because they do not want to admit they are broken people who need  help.  It is much easier to believe  that homosexuality is now a normal and accepted state of being, in society.  In this way one can live in denial that there is anything wrong and that deep issues need to be dealt with in their lives.  

However it is not a weakness to admit that one is “broken” and in need of help or healing.  Instead this is really the beginning of true freedom and restoration in a person’s life.   And if it is any consolation,  all of us a broken and wounded in various degrees and in different ways.  This is due to the fact that we live in a world of sinful and imperfect people,  many who will hurt us and wound us whether they realise this or not.   This is why all of us are in need of the saving power of Jesus and that is why Jesus came to die for every one of us not just for homosexual people.

So the fact is all of us are broken people in some way or another.  Some people just live in denial that this is so.

Another point to note is that the more a homosexual person willingly engages in this sin and lifestyle,  the more that person gives a foothold for Satan to enter his life and eventually take control of him or her.   They will soon succumb  to the deception that what they are doing is normal acceptable and OK before God.

Since God sees the homosexual act as a sin,  these people would also need to abstain from carrying out their sexual desires in this area.   Many people may view this as harsh and unloving for God to demand such a thing. 

However I would like to argue that abstaining is not a new thing  within the Christian faith.  For instance for Christians,  if one is single one has to wait until they have found a marriage partner until they are able to have a sexual union.  Some individuals may only find their life partner when they reach the age of 40 or  50 .  Hence they have to abstain from sex for 20 or 30 years.   Even married people who are Christians, have to abstain, in a sense as well.  Not necessarily from their spouse (but this may also occur due to sickness etc) .   However if they become attracted to other members of the opposite sex,  which may occur  through the process of everyday life,  they cannot  just act on every impulse that comes their way.  They have to choose to abstain and exercise self control as well.

God’s laws are always given for our own good and well being-  to protect us from a life of disaster and emotional and physical chaos.  It is up to the individual whether he or she chooses to believe this or not.

Helping Your Child Handle Difficult Emotions

There is a new book published called ” Sometimes I Feel – How to help your child handle difficult emotions“.   It is written by Samantha Seymour a clinical psychologist and mother of two sons aged 2 & 5.  The book contains inspiring visuals where parents can talk through how to handle difficult emotions with their child.  Although not designed to be a complete manual it may provide some insights and suggestions for this sometime difficult area. 

See the following link for more details :-http://www.finch.com.au/html/s02_article/article_view.asp?art_id=279&nav_cat_id=220&nav_top_id=70

Why Hurt People Hurt People

I read an article a few years ago which gives a good insight into hurting and wounded
people.  It is by Joseph Mattera.  I found it again on a marriage website.  However this
does not just apply to a marriage context.  It may prove insightful reading to help you
identify hurting people or if you maybe one yourself.

http://www.marriagemissions.com/why-hurt-people-hurt-people/

NB.  Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most)

 

 

 

 

Do You Have a Question?

Ask a Question

Do you have a question about God, the Bible, christianity or spiritual things ?  Perhaps you are searching and would like to find out more about God.  Then please feel free to ask your question by emailing me at bevsgospelmusic@dodo.com.au .  I will try to answer your question.  Otherwise I will do my best to find out for you.

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Is there any topic or subject that you would like me to discuss on this blog, that would interest you?  If so please email me at bevsgospelmusic@dodo.com.au.  This blog is designed  to help and encourage you in your walk with God,  so I would like to find out what is relevant to you.

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Also if you have any constructive feedback or suggestions about this blog or my website, feel free to email me at bevsgospelmusic@dodo.com.au.  In this way I can try to improve the site and make it easier for you to use. 

God Bless
Bev

A Prophet’s Reward Could be Your Reward

I discovered a passage in the bible a few weeks ago. It comes from Matthew 10:40-42 where Jesus says :-

” He who receives you (a disciple), receives me (Jesus) and he who receives me (Jesus) receives the one who sent me (God the Father). Anyone who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward, and anyone who receives a righteous man because he is a righteous man, will receive a righteous man’s reward. And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.”

This passage can be interpreted as follows:-  if anyone gives honour and or practical help to a righteous person ,disciple or prophet of Jesus,  then that helper will receive the same reward as the righteous person himself.  The word “prophet”  can also refer to a worthy Christian ministry.  Hence if we choose to honour and help another person’s ministry done in Jesus’ name,  then we will receive the same reward that that ministry will receive. 

This means that all of us do not need to be involved in our own full time Christian ministry.  Instead if we give honour , kindness, gifts or practical help to another worthy full time Christian ministry then we will receive their same reward.

This can even apply to non believers.  A good example of this was in the Old Testament where the prostitute Rahab  chose to help God’s spies by hiding them in her house. Joshua – chapters 2 & 6. In return even though her whole city was completely destroyed, she and her whole family were spared and enjoyed a new life as part of God’s family.

This concept is also evident  in Genesis 12:3 when God first called Abram
” I will bless those who bless you,  and whoever curses you, I will curse”

Let us consider and pray how we can bless the ministry of our place of worship or other worthy Christian ministries.

Why Men Hate Going To Church

Here is a blog which may prove interesting reading whether you agree with the views expressed or not.

http://www.mychurch.org/blog/413771/Why-do-men-hate-going-to-church

How Jesus Viewed Women

The following is an interesting article I found in the YWAM Associates website.  It is written by one of the directors of this organisation called Peter Jordan.  YWAM stands for “Youth With a Mission” a missionary organisation which focuses on evangelism and mercy ministries.

2009-02-06

I never met any of my grandparents. My mother died young (53) from medical neglect due to our family being in a prison camp for 3 1/2 years in China during WW2. She was a woman of grace, serving as a missionary in China for most of her life. I have one sister who is very dear to me; I am blessed with one wife and three daughters, all of whom I love deeply. All these women have played very important roles in my life. Which is not to say that I have respected and honored women the way that Jesus clearly showed me that I should.

Jesus had a lot more to do with and say about women than you might think. The way we men have treated ‘the fair sex’ down through the ages . . . well, it just hasn’t been fair. Nor has it been just.

Let’s start with some questions: How many of Jesus’ disciples were women? When Jesus taught the multitudes and the thousands and the few, how many were women? What group of people comprised Jesus’ financial support team? What was the gender of his disciples who stayed with him at the cross? To whom did Jesus pay what is probably the most profound compliment – of all the encouraging things he ever said – to any individual?

Jesus pioneered a new status toward women, but we men have mostly not ‘got it’ yet. Jesus knew that his mother was blessed among all women – and honored her as such. Mary and Martha were two of his closest friends. He chatted – alone! – with a Samaritan woman . . . and then horror of horrors, he spoke kindly and uncondemningly to an adulterous woman. He allowed a prostitute to anoint him with perfume. He interacted with many more women during his short life.

Yet in all this, he did not sin. Tempted, yes, but he did not sin, even in his mind.

How many of Jesus’ disciples were women? We tend to think of just the 12, but there were at least 500 people who followed him (1 Cor 15:6, The Message). Many, or perhaps most of these would have been women.

We don’t know the gender breakdown of the multitudes who heard Jesus teach, but my guess would be that most of them were women, even though in that culture they had been relegated to a lesser position in life.

Answers to the questions above . . . Did you know that:

Jesus’ financial support team (at least the ones that we know about), included Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Susannah and many others (Luke 8:2-3).

Only women followers stayed with Jesus at the cross.

And the most profound compliment given by Jesus? Right after a woman poured costly perfume over his head (it was kind of like giving flowers before the funeral), Jesus said of her, “She has done something wonderfully significant for me . . . she did what she could – she pre-anointed my body for burial . . . and you can be sure that wherever in the whole world the Message is preached, what she did is going to be talked about admiringly.” (Mark 14: 6-9 The Message)

I read somewhere, that thankfully, Jesus was the ultimate rebel! He defended women, revealed truths to them that He had not told another, and appeared to them first after He died. The way He valued women was a concept that shook that culture to the heart. Paul insisted that, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Jesus Christ.” (Gal 3:28) This is a core-essential emphasis. No human being is excluded from service to God. (Writer of this paragraph, unknown.)

Men, let’s treat women the way Jesus did.

Peter Jordan
YWAM Associates
http://www.ywamassociates.com/index.php